Lewis on why we read

“Literary experience heals the wound, without undermining the privilege, of individuality. There are mass emotions which heal the wound; but they destroy the privilege. In them our separate selves are pooled and we sink back into sub-individuality. But in reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself. Like the night sky in the Greek poem, I see with a myriad eyes, but it is still I who see. Here, in worship, in love, in moral action, and in knowing, I transcend myself; and am never more myself than when I do” (C.S. Lewis from the epilogue to An Experiment in Criticism, 131-32, 137-41).

I want to be well-read someday so that I can relate to people in more ways than my own experiences can accommodate. An obscure fact about myself is that I collect books. I hardly ever read them, though; I just have piles and piles all set aside for that perfect time that never seems to present itself. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, eh?

Also in this selection, Lewis talks about the annihilation of the self through love, virtue, the pursuit of knowledge, and in the reception of the arts, i.e. how this annihilation actually results in an enlargement. How does this work? How can one find one’s life only after losing it? I used to think that being Christlike was catering to the people around me and therefore neglecting my own needs, but now I’m pretty sure that that’s not the case. How can I lose my life during such a selfish stage? How can I be Christlike when I am doing Spanish homework? Maybe I’ve been following an incorrect stereotype for who knows how long. The adversary can be sneaky like that; neutralizing all good desires into general, vague ideals filled with idleness (The Screwtape Letters talks specifically about this in like the first two chapters). I’m not sure about the answers to all of these questions. I do know, however, that we have to be in motion in order to grow and to be used by God to influence other people.

foundations 1

It is a terrible thing always to be waiting for tomorrow, always depending on tomorrow, always excusing our todays because we are sure that only in the future will we possess the things that will fulfill us.

Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t wait for the right job, the right house, the right salary, the right dress size. Be happy today. Be happy now.

George Bernard Shaw said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Don’t worry about searching for who you are; focus your energies on creating the kind of person you want to be! You will discover that as you pursue that journey you will not only find yourself, but chances are you will be pleasantly surprised and proud of the person you find along the way .

-Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Lessons Learned in the Journey of Life,” Ensign, Dec 2000, 7.

the bargain

The potential randomness of this blog will be a reflection of the mind behind it.

I made a deal with God this morning before I walked the mile or so to school for the first time in a few days after experiencing a nasty form of the flu (there are, contrary to popular belief, not so nasty forms of the flu). I wasn’t thinking I could make it all the way on foot, as I was already feeling a little woozy after walking around our apartment all morning, so I said that I would only go to my first class if I got a ride by the time I reached the end of my street. Not fifty yards before the entrance of our neighborhood, however, I run into a friend, with whom I have a short conversation, and then excuse myself because I am late for class. As I walk away from him, I kick myself for telling him that I was actually going to school, since it was all theoretical at that point. This guy is someone who is so good one seriously can’t lie to him, even if he’d never know. It’d be like lying to Jesus. In the face. So I grumble a lot, shake an angry fist at the skies, and begrudgingly make my way towards campus. I try hard to not notice how beautiful a morning it is. I also make unfruitful efforts to feel sick enough to turn around and go home. Right when I had accepted the fact that I actually was going to make it without passing out, about halfway there, a different friend pulls over and asks if I want a ride. “You’re hilarious,” I mutter to God, but I happily accept the charity, and arrive at my class at a pretty respectable time. On another parallel, one of my roommates was about to pull all her hair out the other night because her computer had apparently erased all of her documents, pictures (including those from her study abroad in Spain), and about $1,000 of music. After girding her loins to face the probability of never being able to recover the files, a few days later, she finds them again. So why the waiting period? Why was that half a mile walk this morning so important for me? Why did my roommate have to experience the frustrating inconvenience, even if just for a little while?

I think there are many conclusions that could be met. This is the one I choose tonight: God answers His promises late (at least according to our schedules) sometimes because He wants to teach us of our own strength, whether physically, spiritually, emotionally, whatever. That seems pretty clear looking at my experience today. Maybe He was reminding me of how He does keep His end of the bargains He makes (as long as we are also true to our part of the agreement). This is often hard for me to remember when taking into consideration pain I have felt due to relationships not working out as ideally as planned or lost opportunities because of my own weakness and idiocy, both of which were actually very much at the forefront of my mind this evening. Beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. And if He had given me the opportunity for a ride today right when I walked out the door, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I have grown to expect His reliability and rarely take a step back and sincerely thank Him for it. Wow.