balance

This post was written about a month ago but the issues discussed are still quite relevant.

I had an out of body experience tonight. For dinner I went with a friend to this pizza place and seriously almost started crying it was so good. I also had a legit cannoli for the first time ever… and it was a ton better than the majority of any of my firsts. Heh. I feel like a better person for having eaten there tonight. No joke. It’s kind of ridiculous how happy good food, good music (such as Jack’s new album), or a good run can make me, almost instantaneously.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about balance lately because around this time last week I realized how incredibly off-balance I was. Am. And have been since, like, September. But the only way I know how to approach the problem is to treat the symptoms. I don’t really have a good idea about how to figure out what the underlying issues are. This whole situation reminds me of a time when I was running track hard core and messed up my ankle but continued to train, which in turn resulted in serious injury to my knee that still affect me. I’m concerned that if I keep moving forward and don’t fix whatever kinks there are in my paradigm, I’ll dig myself into a deeper hole and create problems all around.

poppies

My sister and I flew to Arizona this past weekend to visit our uncle Joel and his family. It was wonderful, especially because we don’t get to see my mom’s side that often. Being with family brings a whole different feel than being with friends 24/7. It’s so much less transient, more concrete, more stable, more safe, almost. I felt at home with them. I love my family. While we were there, Joel, my sister and I went hiking in the middle of the desert. On our hike, Joel pointed out these yellow-orange poppies, along with other flowers, that were blooming in spite of less-than-ideal conditions. Now, to switch gears, in my English class we have been studying The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky. One of the main characters is Alyosha, whose home life was awful, who had some hard core natural tendencies towards sensuality, who experienced many difficult things throughout his life, and against all odds, was still able to create something poignant, influential, noble, beautiful with what he had been given and eventually become a respected spiritual leader for his town.Brigham Young said that “There is not a single condition of life that is entirely unnecessary; there is not one hour’s experience but what is beneficial to all those who make it their study, and aim to improve upon the experience they gain” (JD 9:292). I believe that regardless of our circumstances, even if we may be expected to throw our hands up in the air in defeat, we can decide to grow and flourish and then do so. This not only applies to bigger hurdles like disabilities and poverty, but also to situations we run into on a daily basis. When was the last time I said no to myself when I wanted to fold?

When should we fold, though? How can we know which hurdles we should overcome and which hurdles we have to carry around with us for the rest of our lives? How much should we push ourselves at the risk of losing balance? Which pace is the right one to take? Are we expected to be, for the lack of a better word, masochists in our pursuit of happiness and fulfillment?